It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
