DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
