**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
