I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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