Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
