Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize