I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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