Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
