based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
