I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
