Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
