I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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