I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
