Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
