I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize