Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize