i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I think a kid would responsible me up
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
