i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
