It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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