Someone shit on the floor
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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