I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
