your room smells of hookers.
And success
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
