if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
