he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
