sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
