Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
