someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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