i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize