Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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