you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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