This is not my ceiling
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
