the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
