Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
How does it feel to date your dad?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
