How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize