He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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