im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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