Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
