What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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