but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
