the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
