I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
