Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
