You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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