My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
