Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
