I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
