we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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