when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
