i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I think I sprained my soul last night
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
