i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
