I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
