I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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