I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he shaved USA in his pubs
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
