so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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