I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
