are you still at the devil's house?
Non-Jews are for practice
I have demons in me.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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