Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
