Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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