$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Small penises have feelings too.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
