2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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