Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
