Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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