I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
