I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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