Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize