A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
pray to the hookup gods
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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