im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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