I think scott just propositioned me for sex
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
