get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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