You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
