I wish I could teleport
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
This is not my ceiling
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
