Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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