i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
