Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
