if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
operation have a gay friend backfired
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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