and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
