absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
time to smoke my breakfast
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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