No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
