My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
