I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
