he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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