Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
