Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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