im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
