My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
