i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
