I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
