My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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