So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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